Loki: You are a Rotten Person
by KatKing1979
Summary: Lilliana introduces Loki to the Alien Franchise and a prank is played. Story occurred after the events of Fall of Innocence.


In retrospect, I was probably just as of fault for the prank of the century in Asgardian terms, and the following events that led to everything. Some movies should never have been shown to Loki and I am still apologizing for this one. HE could also be a total asshole as well, and I was not in a good mood at all that day. I was irritated as hell with him in fact, I had been stomping around the castle for hours. The previous night, I tried to show him the sequel to Alien. He had seen the first movie with me while we were fugitives in Port Townsend a few months ago, and I thought it would be a fun activity that would keep him out of trouble for a few hours. Besides, it was the greatest sequel to any movie in the known history of sequels.

All he did was mock it, calling it complete drivel. Laughing at the wrong bits, and rolling his eyes at the whole thing. By the end of it, I wanted to strangle him, throwing him out of my rooms and going to bed in a huff. He totally crapped on of one of my favorite movies, and I had Thor download it during his last trip back to Earth especially to give us something to watch. The least he could fucking do was pretend for a few hours we were a normal couple, just a freaking movie, that is all I asked for. Maybe a bag of candy, but he was such a jerk.

Ripley was one of my cinematic heroes, and I did have to give him credit for liking the woman for fighting to save the orphaned Newt from the Xenomorphs who kidnapped her. He admitted before I threw a shoe at him that he liked Hicks, but he thought the rest of the movie was complete drivel. He couldn't understand any of the plot points, he left when I threatened to make him watch the other two that I refused to acknowledge in the name of saving the franchise. But at that point I was done with his dumb ass, and he knew it.

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I woke up angry as well, and I wanted to be left alone. So I picked up a book and wandered the halls, finding my way to a lounge where Sif and Volstagg sat and waved at me. They both happy to see me, and I smiled as I sat down on a couch with them, opening my book and tucking my feet up under me. I was a delicate fucking flower damnit, and I was going to be one. Even if I had to stab someone, and I would do that with no problem.

"We heard that ye had a fight with Loki. Sorry Lady, but he is stubborn as a ram at times, ye have none ta worry about though, he will come around." Volstagg said and I crossed my arms, rolling my eyes.

"He is a total asshole, he is lucky I only threw a shoe at him. No one disses Ripley in my presence." I said and took an apple from Sif, smiling as I took a bite from it. "Diss means makes fun of, and Ripley is a fierce woman in my favorite story who is trying to keep an alien race of monsters from coming to Earth and causing an extinction."

"Thank you for clearing that up, and I think you forget Lilly. Sometimes Loki does not understand many of your tales and plays. He at least tried to watch this filmed illusion with you, can you give him credit for that?" Sif said and I rolled my eyes, not entire believing that she actually defended the jerk. But, she had a good point, there were things that we both enjoyed anyhow. I started feeling like a real bitch for getting mad, he tolerated so much of my stuff. And he really enjoyed when I took him to museums on Earth, we spent hours looking a fossils of the dinosaurs and collections of rocks and minerals. He was especially fascinated by the Space Program and many of our machines, the engine in jets were a fun exploration for him.

"I guess, I really suck at being a girlfriend. All this crap is new to me, and I don't even know if I am doing any of it right." I groaned and looked at the two of them.

"I think you are, and there is always Fandral if Loki exasperates you so much." She said and I groaned and rolled my eyes in exasperation at her.

"I should throw my apple at you for even suggesting that one. Really Sif? I thought you were on my side against Fandral, and now you throw that at me?" I quipped and she laughed at it. Outside there was a loud crash, followed by screams from the halls. There was a panic as a couple of women ran into our room screaming and peering around the door in horror, one fainted and I started to worry. We all looked at the door and Volstagg stood between me and the door, ax drawn and at the ready. Sif looked worried as a shrill scream emitted from the hall, and I wanted Loki to be there with me. Fandral and Hogun shouted as Thor ran past, he turned into the door. The three of us watched him closely, his breathing heavy as he looked around.

"Did it come in here?" Thor asked, and we all shook our heads in unison. Not sure of what he was looking for, and I was getting scared and formed a ball of fire in my hand.

"No, what are you looking for?" I asked him and he turned to the other warriors, they stopped and I stood up on the couch ready to run if needed.

"Check the throne room and warn my Father, it could not have gotten far. It was horrible and very foul of nature." Thor said and I shivered, suddenly feeling worried for Loki. If there was something angry and nasty loose in the castle, I wanted to at least make sure he had warning before he got caught by it.

"Thor, you have to warn Loki too, he could get attacked by it and hurt." I said and he regarded me sadly. Walking forward and helping me to sit down on the couch, holding my hand as he fought tears back. I shook and knew something had happened, Loki was hurt and I was fighting tears.

"Lady, I am so sorry. Loki perished because of the creature. I was there to witness it myself, it was an awful sight. We were speaking of things, and it was quite sudden." Thor said and I put my hand over my mouth, nearly crying as he spoke. I felt tears prick the edge of my vision, I had called him names the night before. Now I wanted to take them all back. Sif held my shoulders and sat next to me, I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked.

"Was it a Bilgesnipe?" I said and sniffed, my hands shaking as I sat there and began crying.

"No Lady, it was a terrible creature though. It burst forth from his chest suddenly, and it had the tail of a snake. I did not know how it got inside of him, but we will catch it and kill it, I promise it to you and I will not rest until I destroy the monster myself. We will give Loki a proper funeral." Thor said and I rolled my eyes at him, nodding at him and feeling anger creep into me.

"Oh Jesus Christ." I said and looked at Thor, correcting myself. "You should go and catch it, I have heard of these nasty things. They are called Xenomorphs, but be warned, they have corrosive blood. It is probably best that you lure it to the Bifrost and throw it into the void."

Thor nodded to me and I wiped my eyes, standing up and clenching my fists. Thor must have mistaken my anger for wanting the creature dead, he bowed to me and kissed the back of my hand. Rushing from the room, taking Volstagg with him and making his way into the hall. Sif wrapped her arms around me and held me close, she shushed me and I pushed her back.

"Don't worry, they will catch it. Perhaps you should sit down, you had a great shock." She said and I walked to the hall, looking down it and groaning at the sight outside. Loki was on his back, people milling about and edging around him. Some faces in shock, and there was blood everywhere.

"I am going to kill him. He is dead, start digging a grave." I said and Sif looked at me with a bit of shock. I walked over to him and she followed me, I lifted my skirts and stepped over the blood. Cringing at the hole in the center of his chest. Sif walked over as well and I stood over Loki, his eyes glazed and I rolled my eyes down at him.

"Complete drivel huh? Get up Jerk." I said and he grinned at me, I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him. It was a good illusion, I had to admit. I kicked his leg for good measure, and he winced at the blow. He stood up, smiling sheepishly as he looked down at me.

"Is he gone?" Loki asked me and I nodded at him. He lifted the illusion and I crossed my arms at him. The blood vanishing as he straightened his clothes and smiled at me, I glared at him openly and he laughed at my anger.

"The whole castle is in a panic now, Thor is loosing his mind looking for the Xenomorph. And who puked?" I snapped at him, waving my finger in his face.

"That would be Fandral, honestly a warrior of his skill should have a stronger stomach. In my defense, you did show me that play. You know my nature, I could not resist. I was also in a very foul mood because of our fight, I needed to work out my frustrations. Why did you kick me?" He said and Sif sighed and started walking away.

"You two can work this out, I will hope the best for you Loki. I am going to tell Thor and the rest that it was a jest." Sif said and walked away, looking angry as she moved.

"You are in so much trouble you jerk! I nearly lost my mind thinking you were dead. That was rude and wrong." I said and people looked at the both of us, he looked down at me and I rolled my eyes. I lifted my skirts to kick him again in the shin, and he stopped me. Instead I landed a slap to his arm and he winced at the blow, I kept swinging and he grinned at me.

"You were going to mourn me?" He said, looking shocked and I groaned, feeling frustrated.

"Yeah, what did you want me to do, dance a damn jig?" I snapped, and he grinned, grabbing me around my waist and smiling at me. He lifted me off the ground and I slapped at his back, not wanting to play around with him.

"Put me down, and go apologize to everyone." I said and he shook his head, and I went pale as he grinned.

"Your story does say that those creatures grow rather fast. I think we need to move to the side of the hall for a moment." He said and I groaned at him. He set me down at the side of the hall and soon, three warriors came running down the hall. All of them screaming for people to run as they moved, I crossed my arms and glared up at Loki. The unmistakable ridges of the nine foot monster as she shrieked at the Guards as they fled, her inner mandible snapping at them as people ran. The secondary clawed arms reaching, and the tail of the monster whipping about. I groaned in annoyance and kicked Loki in the leg again, I had to admit that he had an attention to detail though. The illusion was really good.

"A full grown Queen? Really?" I said and the monster ran past us after the three of them, Loki laughed and looked down at me. I had to smile at him and shake my head, laughing with him and crossing my arms.

"You are a rotten person Loki." I said and kissed him, we heard screams from down the halls, and several Palace Guards ran past us to face the beast. Thor shouted from the battle and Loki grinned wider, I knew they had their hands full. He put an arm around my back, waving his hand and I heard shouts and curses coming from around the corner. Thor shouted Loki's name, and I heard several pairs of feet running his way. Loki looked panicked, and frowned.

"It was amusing, but now I believe I have to flee." Loki said to me, planting a kiss on my cheek again and lingering a bit before taking off running. I mentally wished him luck, walking back to the lounge and my book. Stepping to the side of the hall as Thor ran past with Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral with him.

"Good luck boys!" I shouted at them and I received a wave from Thor, they would catch him and he would get his ass kicked. That was the one thing I could be sure of, I just hoped they didn't leave him tied anywhere that would require me to get a few Guards to help me get him down.

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I don't know how long I dozed for in the lounge, but I woke up and shook my head. Thor was standing in the corner and Sif was laughing, the rest were gathered around and I raised an eyebrow at them. I picked up my book and crossed my arms at them, sighing as I walked over to them. Thor smiled at me and I rolled my eyes, they knew what I was going to ask.

"Did you rest well Lady Lilliana? I hope that we did not disturb you, all the excitement of the day must have tired you out." Thor said and I nodded at him, holding my book to my chest and giggling at him.

"What did you do with him?" I asked and they looked at me with varying degrees of innocence. I did not buy it and I groaned and put my hand out, knowing he was chained somewhere. Thor produced a key and gave me directions to the tree they left him chained to, I sighed and shook my head.

"Ye aren't mad at us are ye?" Volstagg said and I shook my head, turning the key over in my hand. Sometimes I swore I was the acting parent in the group, Sif laughed a bit and laughed back at them.

"No, but you boys really should stop picking on one another. I did kick him for you." I said and walked to my rooms, turning the key in my hands. I took my time, a bit of my own revenge for making me think he was dead. I got a hooded cloak from a trunk and left the book on the desk, wrapping myself up as I walked into the cool night. I made my way through the garden to the large oak and found him, chained and groaning against his gag. His eye was swollen and he grinned around the rag at me, his tunic torn at the shoulder and his hair a mess. I shivered in the cold night air and crossed my arms at him, he said something and I couldn't understand it.

"I am half tempted to leave you out here for the night to teach you a lesson. I freaked out thinking you were dead." He frowned around the gag and I tapped my foot at him, he hung his head and looked ashamed.

"Thorry." he said around the gag, and tried to say something else, but I could not understand it. I walked around to the chains and put the key into the lock, I tried to turn it and frowned at him. His eyes got wide and I shook my head, trying the key again. I sighed and looked at him, pressing my lips together and shivered again.

"They gave me the wrong key, I need to go find them and get the right one." I said and he groaned around the gag, mumbling something else I could not decipher as I stood there shrugging.

"Ind hem. Ungy." He said and I nodded my head at him.

"It may take a while, I really don't know where they took off to. They said something about a tavern and a celebration of vanquishing the horrible beast, who knows which one they went to." I said and he groaned, trying to work the rag from his mouth, I shrugged and looked up at him.

"It could take me all night, I am probably better off just going to bed and finding them in the morning. Well, good luck." I said and I fell into laughter, giggling and holding my stomach as he glared at me.

"Ot hunny Ittle Ouse." He said around the gag and I grinned at him, walking forward and waving the key under his nose.

"Not funny? That was hilarious. I had you going there, you actually looked forlorn." I said and put the key into the lock, freeing him from his bounds. He pulled the rag from his mouth and glared at me, rushing forward and lifting me off my feet bridal style. I struggled against him and looked at his eye, knowing that Thor probably hit him for being a jerk. I used a bit of my powers to heal the eye and he blinked at me as the swelling vanished.

"That was very clever, that is why I am so fond of you." He said and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Just don't do that anymore, I am tired of being the referee between you and your brother." I said and he laughed. I shook my head in response, knowing that it would probably happen again.

"I will at least promise not to fake my own death in the future and cause you any further distress. But it is such fun to pick at Thor, he is an oaf and falls for everything." He said and I groaned, resting my hand on his face and looking into his eyes.

"For you maybe, but I am the one who has to let you loose every time he chains you somewhere. At least this time you were not upside down, that was really hard to figure out how to get you down without causing a head injury. You are also lucky Odin does not have you back in the dungeon, you are so pushing your luck you jerk." I said and he kissed me softly, smiling as he did it. I let out a breath and smiled at him, knowing that I could not stay mad at him for long. He walked through the archway and carried me back to my rooms, my head resting on his shoulder and I closed my eyes feeling tired again, knowing that he was still going to be a jerk.

But in the end, he was my jerk.

"Remind me to never show you Jurassic Park." I said and he looked down at me, grinning wickedly and I rolled my eyes. The last thing Asgard needed was a raging T Rex, even if it was an illusion.


End file.
